


We Sink

by weezlyismyking



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Daryl You'd Make A Great Dad Dixon, Drunken Kissing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Conscious Aaron, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-26 08:41:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18178394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weezlyismyking/pseuds/weezlyismyking
Summary: The one where Daryl and Aaron are in love and scared to do anything about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time that they kiss isn't exactly all that a first kiss is hyped up to be. Especially not when Daryl is a damaged gentleman.

Humidity was hanging in the air even as the sun went down.  Crickets were chirping and the sky was clear.  Aaron had made (what was meant to be) a day trip to The Sanctuary where Daryl was stationed at.  They had spent the day going over everything that was happening, what the plans were to keep developing their communities.  Aaron ended up helping Eugene with plans to build structures back in Alexandria, using some of Reg's blueprints from the beginning. He ended up with Daryl again before the day was out, mostly just for the company.  Sunset came, and Daryl told Aaron he still shouldn't travel alone at night.  The crackle of a walkie talkie as the sun went down, and Aaron was there for the night.

Daryl had a mostly full bottle of whiskey.  A low whistle came from Aaron.  "Where did you even get that?"

"Perks of bein' in charge. You get to confiscate shit." Daryl opened the bottle and took a swig. He offered the bottle to Aaron and Aaron took the bottle without hesitation.

The two of them worked on the bottle in silence for awhile.  It was a comfortable silence, the kind that was rare.   Though Daryl was a man of few words, just being in his company spoke volumes about their friendship.  Aaron was thankful for that.  He'd liked Daryl ever since they met.  In fact, the more that Aaron learned about Daryl, the more that he admired him.  He tried to play a lone wolf, but he was a pack wolf.  They both cared a lot about people, wanted what was best for them.  Daryl just did the opposite of Aaron and hid it well.

Despite the fact that he was enjoying his time with Daryl,  he couldn't help thinking back to Alexandria where his daughter should be fast asleep.  "Hope Gracie's alright."  Aaron couldn't help saying.  "I know she's in good hands with Michonne and Rick, but I hope she's not giving them hell."

Daryl glanced over at Aaron, a slight shake of his head.  "You are the only one who can get her to stop cryin'."

Aaron smiled,  "I think that's why everyone agreed that I could have her."

Daryl paused to take another drink.  "You're a good dad. That’s why."

"Yeah? I was starting to question myself considering I left her to drink."  Aaron was partly kidding.  It wasn't like this had been the plan all along.  Nor was it like going out to drink was anything more than   _by chance_   in this world.

Daryl raised a shoulder.  "Could be worse.  Could be there with her and not give a shit."

"You're right. Things aren't like they used to be when it comes to parenting.  Protecting and caring for someone comes a lot easier."

"For you, for Rick and Michonne, for Maggie. Your good people.  There's still bad people."

"Didn't we put the only one behind bars?"  Aaron asked.  He knows that isn't the case,  just like everyone else.  The way that the war turned out wasn't exactly what Aaron pictured.  He didn't think Daryl would be living side-by-side with the people who helped torture him.  Aaron didn't think he might be working along with the person who shot Eric.  It could have been one of the people there, for all they knew.  Aaron wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it was just too hard to draw a line this soon.

But for the most part, Aaron could tell a good person from a bad one. He and Daryl had that in common.

Daryl doesn't respond.  Aaron knows it's a little bit too sensitive to be joking about, considering all that both of them had been through.  But he's had a lot of whiskey and bitter humor is an easy language to speak.

"Are you alright being here?"  Aaron asked.  He could sense that Daryl was still uneasy.   He knew that was sort of just Daryl's natural state, but there was something deeper.  It was probably triggering to be at the place he was tortured.

Daryl is quiet again.  He traced the peeling edge of the label that was barely hanging onto the bottle. "Gotta be."

Aaron nodded,  reaching over to put his hand over where Daryl's was on the bottle.  He let it linger for a moment before he took the bottle.

The subject easily changed as drunken thoughts crossed Aaron's mind.  Suddenly, they're sitting incredibly close and Aaron doesn't understand when they got that close to each other.  They were talking about everything,  but nothing at the same time.  Well,  Aaron was doing a lot of talking.  Daryl was saying more than he usually would.  Aaron felt special because Daryl was so comfortable with him.

Aaron touched Daryl's arm as much as he could when they talked.  Daryl didn't flinch away after they lost count of how many times the bottle has been passed back and forth.  At some point, Aaron's hand didn't move.  His eyes were on Daryl, even if his vision was blurred enough that it looked like Daryl had two noses.  Was he close enough that his eyes were crossing, or was he that drunk?  It hadn't been very long since Eric died.  It doesn't seem like it anyway.  Time was blurred together. The feelings that Aaron was having about Daryl shouldn't be   _happening_.  It was too soon.  His feelings for Daryl were something underlying that hadn't gotten a chance to be explored before.  So what was wrong with that?  Or maybe he was just lonely.  And Daryl was there.

It's a gentle kiss at first.  Aaron leaned in and the touch of Daryl's lips against his own was enough to sober him up some, but not enough to stop.  His hand slid down Daryl's bicep, then it's urging Daryl to touch him back.  Daryl doesn't, and he doesn't kiss Aaron back either.

Suddenly, Aaron felt self-concious and guilty.  Maybe Daryl could read that Aaron was conflicted.  Maybe Daryl didn't didn't want him.  He pulled back, searching Daryl's expression for something. But Daryl didn't move, expression was unreadable as usual.

"I'm sorry  --  "

"Don't."  Daryl interrupted.

Aaron took in a deep breath.   He leaned back in to kiss Daryl again.  This time Daryl kissed him back, a soft and tentative.  His hand was shaking under Aaron's.  Drunk, but not too drunk to notice Daryl's reaction to kissing him wasn't nearly as passionate as Aaron wanted, he pulled back again.  Aaron touched his hand to his lips, tracing the tingling feeling for a quick moment.  "Oh god,  I'm so sorry."  He said, head dropping to his hands.

.

Daryl knew that Aaron was _really_ drunk.  His words started to slur,  and his eyes were having trouble focusing.  Not that Daryl was too far behind him, but.  

It took Daryl by surprise that Aaron leaned in to kiss him.  He didn't want to take advantage. It reminded him too much of shit that had gone down in the past.  Shit that he hadn't thought of in a long time.   Aaron had no way of knowing that.  And if Aaron wasn't drunk  ...  The truth was that Daryl didn't want to stop.  He just knew that his friend was in such a vulnerable and strange place right now, it wasn't the time to keep it going.  Even though it had been so long since he'd even thought that he   _might_   want to kiss someone.

Fuck it.  Aaron was kissing him again and he was drunk too.  He kissed him back, and it had been such a long time since he'd wanted this let alone done it.  Shit he didn't know what he was doing, and then he was overthinking.

But Aaron pulled away, looking upset.  Oh god.  He was crying.

"It's okay." Daryl's voice is quiet.  He brought his hand to Aaron's shoulder, touch so careful.  

Aaron shook his head, wiping out from under his eyes.  "I shouldn't -- I didn't need to."

"It ain't a big deal, we don't gotta talk about it."

He shifted away from Daryl, but Daryl’s grip on his shoulder tightened.  Aaron looked back up at him, brow furrowed in confusion.

"You can stay close.”

Aaron did. Daryl’s arm moved around Aaron’s shoulders, allowing him to fully lean against Daryl.

* * *

 

Daryl woke first.  He felt entirely too comfortable with the weight of Aaron’s body against him.  He moved carefully, arranging Aaron’s head on a pillow. Before he got up, he placed a kiss on Aaron’s cheek.  He was shuffling around the room, trying to gather his shit for the day.  He heard Aaron move behind him.

"Shit  --  I feel terrible."  Aaron groaned.  Daryl turned his head to see him with a hand on his forehead.

Daryl almost smiled.  He moved to take his water canteen over.  "Drink."

Aaron nodded and did what he was told.

.

Little piece of the night were returning to Aaron as he became more conscious.  He had actually kissed Daryl.  He wondered if he should even bring it up or just pretend like it didn't happen.  He would have to leave soon anyway.  There was a little bit of awkward in the air though.  Aaron didn't want that with Daryl.

"So  . . .  I totally kissed you last night."  Aaron said with a weak laugh.  "I was really drunk.  Didn't really know what I was doing I guess."

Daryl didn't say anything, just turned back around.

"I uh, didn't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable."  Aaron started again.

"You didn't." Daryl said before he could go on.

Aaron nodded, taking another drink from the canteen. He stood up, moving to return it to Daryl. "Then why does it feel like I did something wrong."

Daryl was quiet for a pause.  " . . .  ain't kissed anyone in a long time."

Aaron nodded again, a gentle smile coming over his features.  "Sorry if I made our relationship a little weird."

"You didn't." Daryl repeated.  "When you're drunk, it just  . . .  ain't the right time."

"Don't tell me you never had any drunken hookups before."  Aaron said with a gentle laugh.  When he saw that Daryl's expression hadn't changed, even in the slightest,  Aaron's brows furrowed.  Of course Daryl hadn't.   He tried to imagine it and couldn't.   Daryl didn't even like being touched.  "Bad experience?"

"Somethin' like that." Daryl's fingers tapped against the edge of the table.

Aaron could tell that he wanted to say more, but maybe didn't know how.  "It's okay.  You're right.  We weren't thinking straight."  He offered a smile.

Daryl nodded once.

"I've got to get my shit together and get out of here."  Aaron said with a chuckle.  "I've got a spoiled toddler at home, who I know misses her daddy."  He shook his head.  "You should come and visit us.  Soon."

"Got shit I have to do here." Daryl said, but offered a soft look,  one that told Aaron he'd rather be at Alexandria.

Aaron placed a gentle hand over Daryl's and gave it a slight squeeze.  He didn't have to say anything else to know that things between them hadn't changed and wouldn't change.


	2. Chapter 2

 It had all happened so fast  —  the walkers came, the tree rolled, they were in the medical tent, Aaron was getting his arm chopped off. 

"He's holding through."

"Damn right I am."

Daryl had known three people who had lost a limb and the circumstances were all different from this one.  Hershel, who lived through the whole thing and did a damn good job at adjusting.  Tyreese,  who hadn't made it an hour after. Then there was Merle, and Daryl wouldn't know how that had gone at the time. Either way, Aaron was stronger than all of them and those were quite some comparisons. He'd be fine.

Eyes darted to the hand that was resting on Aaron's chest.  He kept his gaze there for awhile that day, even as he payed attention to Enid changing Aaron's bandages. When they were alone again, Daryl reached a gentle hand over to hold onto Aaron's.

Aaron didn't open his eyes, but he did speak. "Thanks."  Aaron said,  voice still weak.  "I know you've been with me pretty much this whole time."

Daryl squeezed Aaron's hand.  “You need anything?”

Aaron opened his eyes. "No. You here is enough."  Aaron turned his hand over and squeezed Daryl’s hand.

Daryl didn’t need to ask anything else, just watched Aaron breathe.  He was thankful that Aaron was breathing, watching him do it was enough too. 

As the days passed, Daryl didn't leave Aaron's side for much. Daryl learned from Enid how to change Aaron’s bandages.  He was with Aaron when Aaron decided that he wanted to try walking.  Enid had warned how frustrating that it was going to be, since Aaron would feel unbalanced.  She was right, and Aaron was clearly frustrated,  but he did it. Daryl also insisted on going on the trip back to Alexandria when Rick and some others came to make sure nothing went wrong and Aaron could travel. Daryl even went as far as staying with Aaron back in Alexandria.  He guessed that he was finally taking on Aaron’s invitation. With Carol at The Sanctuary, he had the opportunity.

.

Aaron was thankful for everything that Daryl was doing for him. He had no idea how he was ever going to repay that.

He tried not to worry so much with Daryl there to help him.  He realized that he was eventually going to have to adjust to doing things himself and wanted to try.  The part that was most upsetting was how difficult it had become for him to care for Gracie. Luckily she was old enough to walk fairly well, she was getting old enough to learn to be potty trained, and there was a lot she wanted to do for herself.  She was an independent kid, but she was still so little. Aaron felt like he was already failing at being able to protect her.

Aaron gave an exasperated sigh.  "You don't have to do this."

Daryl didn't reply, he just picked Gracie up and bounced her gently on his hip as she cried.  “Come on, your dad is right here.”  He said turning so that Gracie could see Aaron.

Immediately the little girl quieted.  Her arms were reaching over Daryl toward Aaron. "Daddy."

“Hey, little baby girl.”  Aaron said waving at Gracie.  She babbled away, trying to keep his attention. Aaron had tears in his eyes, feeling really upset at the fact that he couldn’t pick Gracie up. He hadn’t figured out the logistics quite yet, was still fairly unbalanced.

He was able to learn soon enough, determined to be able to do what he needed to for his daughter. Even though he could barely get dressed himself toward the beginning. Aaron only wore long-sleeved shirts. They were harder to get on,  but they hid the still-healing stump of an arm.

Aaron had nearly been so focused on adjusting, that he'd completely forgotten about his feelings for Daryl. Until one day, they came rushing back. As Aaron had predicted the day before the log fell, Daryl would be a pretty damn good dad. He was really good with Gracie. Aaron was watching them play. It was so simple  -- Daryl had chased Gracie down the hall, picked her up and dropped her playfully on the couch. She was screaming with laughter as Daryl poked her sides. Honestly, it was the happiest Aaron may have seen Daryl in a long time. The simple innocent and mundane actions were enough to make Aaron's heart absolutely swell and feel like it might burst.

They put Gracie to bed that night, and Aaron was just completely smitten with Daryl. It was true that he had much bigger worries than if Daryl would ever share the feelings that Aaron was having. Bigger worries than Aaron potentially ruining their friendship by saying or doing something else to compromise it. He couldn't help what his heart was feeling though. His stupid big heart had always gotten in the way of everything. 

Aside from every other factor, Aaron was feeling incredibly insecure. His body image had changed dramatically with the loss of his arm. It was true that he’d never been vain, but he’d felt confident and happy. Well, maybe he’d lost a bit of the happiness that usually filled him with Eric. The arm had just depleted most of the optimism he’d kept.

He consciously sat with the bad arm away from Daryl. Even though Daryl changed his bandages unless he had a check up with Siddiq.

The two of them sat on the couch, Daryl’s arm resting on the back of it around Aaron. 

"Thanks for everything that you've been doing for me,  and especially for Gracie."  Aaron said suddenly.  He couldn't help expressing his gratitude.  He was starting to feel better physically and mentally. This was his life now, and he was going to have to either live with it or not.  He'd rather have stayed alive, even if it meant struggling.  He had accepted that.

"You'd do the same for me." Daryl looked like he was deep in thought, like he was contemplating what to say next. Daryl never failed to keep Aaron wondering.  He was better at reading Daryl than most, but there were still so many layers that he'd yet to get to.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah,  I would."  He agreed with a small smile.

Daryl was incredibly close to him.  He was almost tucked into Daryl's arm.   It was a strange instinct for Aaron to want to curl into Daryl, considering Aaron was so much taller than him.

The kiss was reluctant this time.  It was full of overthinking, that was for sure.  But the difference was,  Daryl had mostly initiated it.   He'd leaned in closer, and Aaron would have had to be blind not to see that Daryl's eyes were on his mouth.  There was the self-doubt that was clouding Aaron's thoughts, and the reminder of how last time they'd kissed had gone.  The kiss was still good.  It was soft, slow, and exploratory.

Aaron pulled away, cheeks hot and head ducked a little bit.  "Sorry."

"Y'ain't gotta apologize after." Daryl said,  voice firm and looking a little bit confused. 

"I thought you . . .  maybe you weren't,  y'know,  into  --  "

"Guys?" Daryl asked.

Aaron shrugged a shoulder.  "I mean that, or just   _me_."

"You think I'd be here if I wasn't?"

Aaron looked down at his lap, a blush and a half smile on his face.   "I just thought you were being friendly."

"I care about you."  Daryl admitted.

Aaron knew that it was a lot for Daryl to express the way that he was feeling.  And it was very Daryl of him to be short, but honest.  Aaron really appreciated it.  He was just still a little bit doubtful.  It was his own head, he was pretty sure.  Still he couldn't help saying.  "Last time you kinda stopped me.  It seemed like you were reluctant and I don't want you to feel . . .   I don't know obligated to kiss me."

.

Daryl was honest.  He didn't see any point in lying, especially these days.  He didn't do a lot of talking, so when he was being real about his feelings, he didn't want Aaron to think that he needed to question it.  Daryl was understanding though,  especially when it came to Aaron.  And Aaron had just gone through a lot, so Daryl would do his best to be patient.  And open.

"You would never pressure me like that."  Daryl said.  And it was true.  He had never felt uncomfortable around Aaron.  Not even once.

"I wouldn't.  I've just been struggling with this arm and it it's making me not feel like myself.  I just want to get rid of any self doubt."  Aaron attempted to explain.

"I get that." Daryl appreciated him trying to explain.  He felt bad that Aaron was doubting himself though.  He wanted Aaron to know how great he really was, how good and handsome,  all these things. Daryl was afraid to say them though.  And he wanted Aaron to know everything about why he was so careful when it came to getting physical and intimate.  As much as he wanted it, he was a little bit afraid of that too.  "It's just  . . .  with me, it's hard to do this."

.

"Kiss someone?"  Aaron asked quietly.  He didn't want to pry, but he just wanted to understand.  And he wanted Daryl to know he could share things with him.

"Yeah, anything like that."  Daryl said.  He shrugged a shoulder.  "I dunno,  I just been through a lot of shit.  Even though it seems stupid to think about the shit that happened before,  it still happened."

"It's not stupid." Aaron reassured him.  "Sometimes I still think about bad things that happened to me before the outbreak too."

Daryl looked away from Aaron. He was clearly feeling uncomfortable with the prospect of sharing anything else. He was playing with his hands in his lap.

Aaron broke the silence.  "You know, lately I've been hearing my mom's voice in my head.  She used to tell me to toughen up, told me that boys don't cry, all that stuff because I was gay.  It's almost like I'm still trying to prove something to her, even though she's dead. Something that simple still bothers me sometimes."  Aaron wasn't sure that opening himself up more would make Daryl talk, but he felt safe with Daryl. He wanted him to know that the conversation could flow both ways if Daryl needed to talk.  Everything was open for discussion.

Daryl was looking back at Aaron, brow furrowed. "Doesn't sound simple if it's still botherin' you."

"It seems simple now.  In comparison." 

. 

Daryl wanted to talk to Aaron.  He really did.  After another pause, he sighed and then began. "I used to run around with my brother, Merle. We took care of each other back then.  Best we knew how." It seemed strange to talk about Merle.  It seemed strange that Aaron wouldn't have known about Merle if he hadn't talked about him. Daryl knew that Aaron wasn't going to judge him for anything that he was going to tell. After he'd read about childhood abuse, Daryl understood that there were certain things that happened to people that they shouldn't be at fault for, that they shouldn't be ashamed of, because it wasn't their fault. Actually taking that advice for himself?  It was difficult.

"Merle used to drag me to these parties that I hated goin' to. Had to get fucked up to even tolerate the bullshit that went on, but still always had to be on my toes so I could keep a check on Merle."  Daryl explained.  He was going into a little bit of unnecessary detail to avoid getting to the point. He wanted to get there though. He wanted Aaron to understand his reluctance the first time they'd kissed, to understand why it was going to take time for Daryl to be comfortable with intimacy. It wasn't that he didn't   _want it_.  "Merle used to try and get me to hook up with girls.  He would tell 'em to come talk to me.  I wasn't into just fuckin' around cause someone was there, ya know?" Daryl hoped that Aaron would understand that part of it. Even before anything _happened_ , Daryl wasn't very interested in sex. Not that he didn't think people were attractive, or think about it sometimes. It was just that he liked to wait for the right person. 

"This girl was real pushy and I said no, but didn't want to be rude, so . . .  I did it any way." The memory was coming back. The smell of alcohol and perfume and the panicked feeling over being touched when he didn't want to be.  It hadn't occurred to Daryl until much later in life that he'd been forced into having sex. He didn't really like to be touched before that, but it made intimacy even more difficult. "I just wanted to tell you that.  I didn't want you to think  . . . you know, that I didn't want to kiss you.  I wanted us to both know we wanted it."

Aaron was looking at Daryl, not like he was feeling sorry for him, like Daryl expected.  His gaze was warm and soft.  "You can always just tell me stop and I will. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Though I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing that with me. You can always tell me anything."

"I know that."  Daryl said.  It sort of felt weird, but good at the same time.  After actually saying it, a little part of him was able to let it go.  "I've never told anyone that."

Aaron squeezed where his hand was on Daryl's shoulders.  "I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me."

Daryl nodded.  Aaron did make him feel safe and comfortable.  It was part of the reason why he was attracted to him.

"Do you want to  . . .  go to bed?  I mean,  like actually sleep.  With me."

"Yeah.  That'd be . . . nice."

.

Once they reached Aaron's room, Aaron removed his jeans and climbed into bed in his underwear and undershirt.  Daryl seemed a little more reluctant, but did the same.  They settled in the bed together, Daryl was the one who curled into Aaron.   He was a little surprised,  but tucked his arm under Daryl and kept him close.  Daryl was warm, smelled like musk and earth and maybe fumes from his motorcycle.  It was such a masculine smell.  Aaron wanted to protect Daryl, even if he didn't need it.  He wanted to stay close to him always.

* * *

The few weeks that they spent together, from the tent back to Alexandria, the dynamic between them changed to something deep. Daryl wasn’t with him every moment of every day. There was a lot going on with the tension between The Saviors and everyone else. Aaron felt a little useless sitting on the sidelines for everything. Especially when there were Saviors going missing and Daryl was being accused of killing them.

Still, things seemed to be going good. Until they weren’t. 

One day Daryl was going out, and everything changed. There was a horde of walkers, the bridge was blown up, and Rick Grimes died.

Except Daryl was unable to accept the death of his friend. Daryl and Michonne spent days going out to look for Rick, maybe even his remains to get some confirmation of what had happened. Aaron understood grief, and he tried to relate to Daryl on that level. Daryl had distanced himself though. He tended to do that when he was in mourning.

Aaron tried. He tried to get Daryl to stay with him, to at least hear reason. Then he saw Daryl less and less. And it seemed like Daryl completely disappeared for weeks.


End file.
